You are so weak when you follow ‘not your man’.
Plan and advice, hence the research and good books that will pull you out of your ‘addiction to man’.
Do you know the feeling of constant anxiety and uncertainty, just because your condition is completely dependent on every breath, word, action of another person? It's as if you are infected by something, someone and everything around you is covered by this pandemic. Your whole world right now is a bunch of questions and thoughts about one person.
Almost every girl, has a period in her life when she feels this way, but honey, if you want to come out of it, it won't be too hard for you, even if you've gone too far.
Research show that after rejection, our IQ unfortunately drops and we stop thinking straight and realising obvious things. Such as,
Most romantic rejections are a matter of poor fit and a lack of chemistry, incompatible lifestyles, wanting different things at different times, or other such issues of mutual dynamics. Guy Winch Ph.D.
Lovely girls, how long do you want to keep yourself in this period, waiting for a miracle? All you can do is either continue to wallow in reverie and contemplation or ‘cut off’ these thoughts and ‘turn your brain 180 degrees’.
So, what does that mean?
To turn your brain 180 degrees doesn't mean to turn it the wrong way. It means turning them in their own place. Firstly, another person's actions, behaviour and feelings are not your responsibility. Find your true boundaries of responsibility. Your needs and the other person's needs are different.
You must decisively and immediately decide that you want to get on the path to your true happiness (in short, stop fooling yourself with this person). It should be a firm decision, there should be some trigger behind it, which will be the real reason for this decision or will quickly make you decide.
Yay, you've decided it for yourself. You'll feel it, you'll feel empowered when you do step 2. You'll feel like you can. Now the main thing is to keep going. Next you'll start to feel valued again, isn't that great?
Understand, you have lost your personal boundaries to some extent in this unpleasant situation. That's okay, it happens, but it can't go on any longer. Also, if there are people in your environment who remind you directly or unintentionally of qualities and people you don't want, it's a good time to limit yourself from them.
Having self-confidence means you also recognize your autonomy in this friend zone sitch. If you’re not comfortable being *just friends* then it may be in your best interest to form some boundaries or separate from the person overall. Your mental health and self-esteem are equally important. Wendy Rose Gould
Be firm, keep your inner core and confidently go forward without looking back where you don't want to go.
Best of all, do more of your favourite things. Really your favourite things. You should know what you love and when needed, these activities should immediately come to your rescue. And if you don't fully know, now is the perfect time to find out. Going back to step 3, be with people who give you the strength to love yourself and your life.
The interesting thing is that you will notice, or you may already notice, that the situations that brought you such unpleasant feelings and pain, your friends (or whoever it was) that you were telling it all to, remember those situations much better than you do. But if you look at the research, the emotional feelings during that period, you will remember well and feel them vividly any time in your life when you remember them. It follows that I urge you to take care of just your condition and how you respond to what life gives you.
When we learn to love ourselves, we stop needing love that hurts. The book ‘Women Who Love Too Much’ - Robin Norwood.
Additional things to help you distract yourself, reduce your addiction, and regain your sanity (researched):
-Start something new (especially learning). Studies have shown that learning activates the area of the brain associated with pleasure (the dopamine system). It also helps you focus on the future rather than the past.
-Physical activity, naturally. Cardio, yoga, and others reduce cortisol (stress hormone) and increase endorphins.
-Regular ritual of meditation or breathing practices. They reduce the activity of areas of the brain associated with intrusive thoughts and anxiety. They also increase mindfulness. You can at least try a 4-7-8 breathing practice.
-New Experiences. Indulge yourself in new adventures. Introduce yourself to new smells and tastes. Fall in love with new things.
-Emotions and feelings through creativity. Collages, writing down thoughts, photography, drawing-perhaps you'll feel and know yourself more.
-Altruism. Help others and it will help you. Helping and volunteering improves self-esteem, increases happiness, and helps you get out of the ‘I-centre’ of pain. If you look out, you can understand yourself and others more easily, and thus realise that everyone has their own lives and paths.
-Reasoning. Proven by meta-analyses. Do not keep to yourself, tell your feelings and experiences to friends, family. Who you trust. You can also find support groups.
You can do it and nothing will be a barrier for you, you are not alone. You will know your boundaries because you will build them yourself. You will be sure of yourself and what you need. You won't fall in love with someone who doesn't deserve it.
Bisou bisou