Self-destruction

I don’t recommend reading this if you don’t wanna think about it too much.

All this time, I couldn’t find the words to express this feeling. I just said something like “a desire for something crazy and doomed.” I saw the problem a little, but I didn’t want to confront my mind and consciousness with it directly. I drifted along and observed what would happen next. Now I’m standing in front of her and I have an awful lot of questions.

Self-destruction is when you want to go deeper and deeper into the abyss and don’t stop because you don’t care or because you want to understand something? How awful do people feel who consciously self-destruct and aren’t afraid of losing anything in the end?

The scariest thing here is that if you want to destroy yourself in order to understand something, by the time you understand it, it may already be too late. It’s a fine line. There is a fine line between self-discovery and self-destruction. A fine line between “temporary” self-destruction and the end of your personality as a whole. A fine line, after which destruction, it may not be possible to recover.

Reality is disgusting and cruel. If you delve into it, you lose the meaning of life. If you see the world honestly and say everything you think honestly, and do what you want honestly, you will most likely lose everything. And sometimes you don’t want to show this honesty and desire to burn everything in your path to the world, because each of us has something we consider sacred. It could be a sister, parents, a significant other (who, if they find out what’s inside you, will then change beyond recognition). We are all responsible for something. How can we reconcile our reality with our “sacred” beliefs?

The tendency toward self-destruction. We all have it. But to what extent? And how deep is a person willing to sink? Is self-destruction a weakness fueled by hatred, or an unwillingness to live according to a predefined template of an ideal world and survival in it?